Genesis of Metal


A family torn apart. A boy’s heart that could never be whole as it was always in two places. He often wondered if things could ever be different, but alas that was just dreaming.

He would fly alone as a child to visit one or the other parent. Only an hour flight from the dessert to the beach but nausea and thick emotions always weighed on him. Leaving one to see the other, “Why can’t I have both? Mom and Dad?” He thought.

Both were in new relationships but neither of them were truly happy. In fact they were quite unhappy and highly dysfunctional. He’d leave the addicted to visit the mentally ill. If it wasn’t the alcoholic father figure cutting him down, it was the bi-polar stepmom nagging him to death. Trading one shouting match for another, he always felt on the outside and like there was no place he belonged.

Silenced and belittled, sitting rejected on the side lines he often wondered what he did to cause or deserve all of this. He had no voice. No outlet for his anger. He dared not stand up to the accusers, so running away and hiding was the only answer. Sometimes the silence scared him as it was too calm. Life was like walking on eggshells.

no place to hide
“I have no place to run and hide.” ~ KoRn

He turned to music and threw himself into learning instruments and writing. After his initial alternative phase he dove deeper into heavier music and found something that truly resonated with him. It was almost as if it found him.

He heard the screams of people that were in pain and sang songs about similar experiences. The heaviness, searing loudness, and painful screaming music seemed to drown out all the cares of his world. The loud sound system would pour over him with crushing waves of catharsis. Repressed emotions and untold stories were shared in the secret space of his headphones.

Someone understood. Someone had gone through the same kinds of experiences. Music spoke to him. Music became a close friend. Metal connected to his anger and gave him sweet release and respite. He started a band and wrote about his own pain. Music made a way for him to express all the agony of divorce, dysfunctional families, suicidal thoughts, cutting, addiction, and all the things inside he was never able to give a voice to.

Music gave him a voice.

Music is a shelter, a shield, a strength, a sanctuary.






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